A Brief Letter to My Family

Dear Family,

As I’m repainting the back hallway and the basement of my house, I have come to realize just how UGLY that green was. I mean, I’ve hated it for a couple of years now, but it was ugly way before then. As more and more of it is covered up, the remainder of it becomes increasingly vomit-inducing. As the Dutch Boy Key Lime Green gradually disappears, my soul feels a sense of peace and relief, and I wonder if perhaps my depression has been exacerbated by that god-awful color hanging on my walls all these years. The only good thing about that sickening color was that it was light enough to cover easily.

There’s a reason I keep you around, and it’s to tell me when I do something ugly and awful to my house. You have failed me. You allowed that horrific color to keep residence in my home for seven years. SEVEN YEARS! What is wrong with you people? Granted, I’m the one who chose and painted the color, but I must have been suffering a bout of temporary insanity because I now realize that no one in her right mind would have chosen that color. Not one of you said, “Hey, that’s a really awful color” or “Hmmm. I’m not sure I like that color. How about something a little less snot-colored?” And Sissy, now that I know you are part colorblind, I will never listen to you when you tell me a paint color is OK.

Shame on you, all of you. I hope you have learned your lesson. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to ugly paint jobs. Hopefully, next time you’ll do the right thing.

Your loving daughter/sister